The one secret to thriving daily: Are you a Victim or Owner?
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Mindset work is everywhere, and so are the solutions for it - but today I want to offer you a simple, tangible exercise that can truly transform you so that you can take ownership in your life, regardless of how you may think as someone with your Enneagram type.
When we act like the victim, we’re going to struggle more and more over time, it’s impossible for us to experience freedom in our lives that we all desire.
You and I don’t always realize when we’re being a victim and we’d change if I knew. However, we usually think we’re in the right with our actions and behaviors, only to get frustrated with the results we are or aren’t getting in our lives. Often times, it traces back to this victim mentality.
Here and on Episode #101 of the Living Enneagram Podcast, I dive deep into how we can become self-aware enough to figure out if we are in that victim mindset or ownership mindset?
What is a Victim Mindset?
A person who is deceived or cheated as by her or his own emotions or ignorance.
Here’s an example of a victim mindset:
“Well I’m a Type 3, so I’m always going to struggle with people-pleasing.”
Did you catch it? I’m staying stuck in this stereotype of a Type 3 or “that’s just my personality.”
Another example might be, “Marriage is just tough. And it only gets harder and harder.”
This is a dishonest viewpoint based on what other people have told me and deceived by the way other people live out their marriages - without looking into whether or not there is truth there for myself.
Now, let’s look at what ownership mindset looks like:
An owner is someone who owns something, it is theirs. It’s in their possession.
Example: I own my house, so I take care of it. I don’t expect my neighbor to mow my lawn or check my mail and bring it to the front door for me. Because my house is MINE, therefor I’m responsible. I manage it and make decisions for it.
So when you and I aren’t taking ownership, we’re saying that our lives, our decisions are now someone else’s responsibility. That’s the difference between a victim mindset and an ownership mindset.
We often go back to the victim mindset by default because it’s easy - it’s easy to blame other people, it’s easy to make excuses rather than face our responsibilities. This actually gives you zero control. If you constantly fall into the deceptive thought patterns that aren’t rooted in truth, you will always believe that you are a victim to your circumstances.
When you’re the owner, you can make better decisions and go after what you want. Anything you want to achieve or improve in your life has to start with this.
So, in any struggle we’re having, one of the first and most important questions to ask yourself is:
What kind of mindset do I have? Am I acting like a victim or an owner?
The root of this answer is so powerful. If we can really identify which one we live in, we can start to change. You realize you can ask the right questions to get to the truth and thereby the results you want.
Let’s look at Galatians 4:10 to support this idea of ownership.
Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load. Nevertheless, the one who receives instruction in the word should share all good things with their instructor.
Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.
That, right there, is ownership.
Now I want to take a look at what a victim mentality might look like based on Enneagram types and of course, I’ll talk about how you can humble yourself, run to the Lord with this, and overcome it.
Common Victim Mindsets Based on Enneagram Types
I’m not good enough. I don’t know enough. I’m not competent. I’m not good with people. I’m too ambitious. I’m just being honest/blunt. I need people to validate me. I need more affirmation. I need constant adventure. I’m too emotional. I just don’t trust emotions. It’s just who I am, you’re going to have to deal with me.
Have you ever thought or said any of these? I’m sure you have, because these are the core victim mindsets that we see within different Enneagram types. But when we recognize them, we can start to CHANGE them.
I have created an exercise to help you do just this in my FREE download, “Are You a Victim or an Owner? Workbook, where I walk you through this whole process!
The Victim Mindset Exercise
Whether you use this or not, grab a piece of paper and start writing down every limiting belief you have. Every toxic thought. Every victim mindset you might have. Be honest with yourself as you do this! Start with the areas you’re not proud of.
After you have this list (get it ALL out and don’t feel guilty!), you’re going to start writing in present tense and change those negative statements into a positive one that reflects what you want to become.
Your victim mindset might say, “I worry about everything.”
Now, flip the script: “Instead of worrying, I find solutions and act on them.”
This exercise can take some time, but it’s worth it to achieve the results you want to see. Get rid of those limiting beliefs that are keeping you trapped by rewriting those scripts in your head.
I would love to hear how this exercise goes for you! Leave a comment here or send me a DM on Instagram with your feedback!
Get the FREE download: Are You a Victim or an Owner? Workbook
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