How to Live on Purpose with Allie Casazza
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Have you ever been annoyed with cultural norms? Maybe you’re annoyed with it but you’ve just accepted them as fact and we have to suffer through them and try until we die and get to heaven.
Or maybe you’re like me and you hate accepting the norm, so you seek out answers and other ways of doing things. Either way, you’re going to love Episode #98 of the Living Enneagram Podcast with Allie Casazza.
Allie is a Type 8 on the Enneagram and she shares all she’s had to do to step into her strengths and learn that she can be strong and bold. Allie and her family have done so much work around the environment they create in their life at home. She shares how the enneagram ahs helped her with marriage, business, friends, and her children. Listen in to hear how Allie stays intentional and uses the Enneagram as a tool in her life!
Q: Your entire mindset around motherhood and purpose is so different from what most people see. You’ve rejected the label of motherhood being exhausting and it was so encouraging to me. Where did this come from and what led you to challenging this “norm”?
A: About 8 years ago, I had just had my third baby (three under three) and I was really depressed. I kind of felt like the message was “stop having kids.” But I got into a dip I couldn't get out of and it wasn’t post-partum depression. It was situational.
Honestly, I didn’t really want to be a mom anymore, to be honest, and I didn’t understand why people were intentionally doing this. I’ve lost myself. I’m a person who wipes boogers and makes snacks and changes diapers and cleans up messes while they’re making more.
I started to ask other women I trusted, “Does this get better? Is this normal?” Every one of them basically said the same thing, “That’s motherhood.” The message was not only am I completely screwed, but it actually gets worse with their teenage years.
I sat with that for several months until this one awful day where I found myself slumped on the bathroom floor. I decided right then that all I was doing was reacting to these blessings in my life in a negative way. You’re not in a good place if you’re yelling at your toddler or waiting for the baby to nap. That’s not an abundant or purpose-filled life.
“God are you here? If you are, can you look alive and help a girl out? What is this abundant life thing because this isn’t it.”
After that, I went through a massive purge and obliterated everything in our lives that was excess. I stripped down the non-essentials and everything shifted. My health, my marriage, and motherhood got better because I wasn’t living outside of my purpose. I wasn’t reacting to my life, I was IN it. I wasn’t cleaning up after it, I was LIVING it.
Q: Some Enneagram types live in the present, some live in the present, and some live in the future. It can be a strength, but it can also make it hard to see your life from an outside perspective. We get into the reactive state. Do you have any practical advice for other moms that help you detach from your circumstances?
A: In my business, we have mindset shifts that we do. So much of what I do is around mindset but here’s a whole other side of the business for mindset because it’s so important. I call it moving from victim mindset to action-taking/problem-solving mindset.
The “hot mess” mom culture keeps women from being mothers. It’s powerful and rampant, but that won’t always be the message. It’s this masking hiding avoiding weird overly obsessed with the little pleasures like coffee until wine at 9pm after the kids go to bed because your life “sucks so bad.”
You’re reacting to your life instead of being in ownership. We need to go over to, “Okay, there will be hard days and hard times, but I am in control. I am the owner of my life, myself, and my thoughts."
As the woman in your family, you are so powerful and you have purpose. You can manipulate in a positive way the emotions, actions, and words of your family. You get to set the tone. You’re not here to just react and put out fires - you're here to be proactive and look ahead. No matter what your Enneagram type is, you get to create what feels good for you. That’s just one tiny tweak that can make such a difference.
That’s how I teach people to get some distance from their situation and see things new. Stop getting stuck in the quicksand and let me throw you that rope, pull you out, and get an aerial view of where you’re playing the victim rather than the queen.
Q: How did you shift into confidence with your ambition and Type 8 ?
A: Switch it and take it to where it’s not about you, but your kids. You ask yourself, is this how I want them to be? Thinking they’re too much so you better bow back and make everyone else comfortable. No way! So why would I tell myself to?
I will have failed if my girls think that the answer is to give in. My boys will know to tell their wives to “keep going and I will hold your wings up.”
In motherhood, I have an actual responsibility to show up, to rise up. If someone is uncomfortable with that, those issues are not mine to worry about.
Do we really want our kids growing up in a world where they think because you have this body part, make sure your purpose is small enough to make him feel bigger?
Q: I forgot to have you mention your business! Tell us a little about what you do and how you serve people!
A: It’s really all about women! The way you’re thinking about yourself, how much self-worth you have, how you’re feeling in your physical space, in your calendar, about how the way your life is going. Because how we spend our days is how we spend our lives.
Whether I’m teaching business or life coaching, it goes back to how do you want to feel? If the way your living doesn’t line up with that, there’s work to do. We want to clear space for stepping into your purpose and making others uncomfortable because you’re getting close to that divine reason you’re here, whether that’s building an empire or raising kids. We clear your calendar of things that don’t serve yourself so you’re more available for what really matters.
Make sure you listen to the entire episode here for more from Allie! Her business has impacted mine and our home life so much, so I know she’ll inspire you to make shifts in yours, too!
Follow Allie on Instagram @allie_thatsme
Follow Callie's Instagram @callieammons