How to Implement Healthy Boundaries When You Love People
Have you ever felt like a jerk for saying “no” to someone in your life?
Maybe it was a friend, family member, co-worker. Maybe they wanted to hang out, or they asked for money or a favor. You want to say “yes,” but your personal plate is full and you’re trying to navigate how to say no in a loving way.
Or, you end up saying yes because the guilt of saying no far outweighs them being upset or annoyed with you.
If you’re like me, I’ve done this more than I’d like to admit. So it’s something I’ve been working on in my personal life. I think we all want to get to a place where we can say “no” when we need to without feeling bad, but also say yes in confidence and show up well for people when we can.
The new episode of the Living Enneagram Podcast dives into why it’s such a battle for us to say no and set boundaries in our lives. I’m joined by my friend Tanner Hobbs, a fellow Type 3, wife, business owner, and soon-to-be-mother. She shares with us how she’s saying “no” to things during this season of life, but doing it in a loving way that’s authentic and true to herself.
The Type 3 does want to be successful, but what people don’t realize is the Type 3 also really loves and cares about people.
Takeaway Points on Boundaries from Tanner:
- Ask yourself, “Am I saying yes because I want to be seen, or am I saying yes because I genuinely feel called right now, by the Holy Spirit, to go help this person for absolutely nothing?”
- “Right now, I’m in a season of saying no. And it doesn’t feel good because it reveals so much ugly in me. It feels like I’m sacrificing myself not being seen if I say no. But that’s what I’m learning about boundaries - what’s the motive?”
- “I want to justify everything when I say no, but it’s okay if I let them down because I wouldn't be serving them out of the right heart posture anyways if I had said yes for the wrong reasons. I’d rather honor God than please other people.”
- “Awareness around boundaries is bringing me closer to God. Regardless of whether I’m doing the right or wrong thing, He’s teaching me.”
You’ll also hear about how Tanner struggled with mistyping herself (thinking she was a Type) and how she came to embrace her actual type, the Type 3.
What stuck out for you in this conversation with Tanner? Leave me a comment and let me know!
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